Good Working Habits That Will Help Prevent Worry

 

 

Just clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the immediate problem at hand.

Roland L. Williams, President of Chicago and Northwestern Railway, once said, “A person with his desk piled high with papers on various matters will find his work much easier and more accurate if he clears that desk of all but the immediate problem on hand. I call this good housekeeping, and it is the number-one step toward efficiency.”

If you visit the library of Congress in Washington D.C., you will find five words painted on the ceiling- five words written by the poet pope:

“Order is Heaven’s first law.”

Order ought to be the first law of business, too. But is it? no, the average desk is cluttered up with papers that have not been looked at for weeks. In fact, the publisher of a New Orleans newspaper once told me that this secretary cleared up one of his desks and found a typewriter that had been missing for two years.

The mere sight of a desk littered with unanswered mail and reports and memos is enough to breed confusions, tensions and worries. It is much worse than that. The constant reminder of “A million things to do and no time to do them” can worry you not into tension and fatigue, but it can also worry you into high blood pressure, heart trouble, and stomach ulcers.

But how can such an elementary procedure as clearing your desk and making decisions help you avoid this high pressure, this sense of must, this sense of an “unending stretch of things ahead that simply have to be done? Charles Evans Hughes, former Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court, said: “Men don’t die from overwork. They die from dissipation and worry.” Yes, from dissipation of their energies-and worry because they never seem to get their work done.

Another good working habit- Henry L. Doherty, founder of the nation-wide Cities Service Company, said that regardless of how much salary he paid, there were two abilities he found it almost impossible to find. Those two priceless abilities: first, the ability to think, second the ability to do things in the order of their importance.

Charles Luckman, the lad who started from scratch and climbed to twelve years to president of the Pepsodent Company, got a salary of a hundred thousand dollars a year, and made a million dollars besides-that lad declared that the owed much of his success to development the two abilities that Henry L. Doherty said he found almost impossible to find.

Charles Luckman said: “As far back as I can remember, I have gotten up at five 0’ clock in the morning because I can think better then than any other time- I can think better then and plan my day, plan to do things in the order of their importance.”

Frank Bettger, one of America’s most successful insurance salesmen, didn’t wait until five 0’clock in the morning to plan his day. He planned it the night before-set goal for himself-a goal to sell a certain amount of insurance that day. If he failed, that amount was added to the next day- and so on.

A person who has long experience in this field can tell that one is not always able to do things in the order of their importance, but I also know that some kind of plan to do first things first is infinitely better than extemporizing as you go along.

If George Bernard Shaw had not made it a rigid rule to do first things first, he would probably have failed as a writer and might have remained a bank cashier all his life. His plan called for writing five pages each day. That plan inspired him to go right on writing five pages a day for nice heartbreaking years, even though he made a total of only thirty dollars in those nine years-about a penny a day. Even Robinson Crusoe wrote out a schedule of what he would do each hour of the day. 

just remember one thing when you face a problem, solve it then and there if you have the facts necessary to make a decision. Don’t keep putting off decisions.  Just learn to organize, deputize and supervise. Many business person are driving themselves to premature graves because they have never learned to delegate responsibilities to others, insisting on doing everything themselves. Result: Details and confusion overwhelm them. They are driven by a sense of hurry, worry, anxiety, and tension. It is hard to learn to delegate responsibilities. I know it was hard for me, awfully hard, I also know from experience the disasters that can be caused by delegating authority to the wrong people. But difficult as it is to delegate authority, executives must do it if they are to avoid worry, tension and fatigue.

Executives who build up big businesses and don’t learn to organize deputize, and supervise, usually pop off with heart trouble in their fifties or early sixties- heart trouble caused by tension and worries. Want a specific instance? Look at the death notice in your local paper. Many people commit suicides just because of tensions. I think it was the event of 3 years ago, when there was a drastic fall down in the share market of India. Two of my neighbors suffered from fatal heart attack and passed away. On the same day, three people ate poison. So what was the reason, they just could not bear the pressure of tension. If they wanted they could face the problems and survive, but they chose to death. So we should think about the solutions not about the causes. One of my friend shared a story with me about the same issue. Once there was a big Shiva temple somewhere in South India. Holy Priests were busy in worshipping Lord Shiva. It was Mughal time in India. So a small troop of Mughal invaders attacked on the temple. The ratio of people was like: 500 Priests and 50 Mughal invaders. Mughal invaders started ruining the temple, after seeing this situation, all the holy priests started chanting the name of Lord Shiva: “Hey Lord Shiva, Please save us, please save us,” instead of fighting back with those invaders. Unfortunately, Lord Shiva did not come to save them, and those bloody invaders ruined the temple and looted all the gold and exotic stuff from the temple. If priests wanted they could have saved the temple. How ironic it was! So the moral of story is simple, we just don’t find solutions, we usually get obsessed and rely on irrelevant things. Yes, that’s true, you can practice the art of coping but it’s not the solution. If you are in a tension and want to get relaxed for sometime, just distract yourself. But it is not the final solution.  So be practical and optimistic, fly like a bird and live like a lion. No one can hurt you if you don’t allow them, it is always a person who hurts himself not others. 

Time Solves A lot of Things!

 

There is  a saying, “Time is a great healer.”  Yes, it is true. But there are many things in our life which you cannot undo. Let’s talk about our good and bad memories, they don’t leave us, they just chase us, run after us. If someone asks me what kind of girlfriend or wife do you want? Then I might say, “As faithful as tension, or as honest as anxiety.” You might not laugh at this stupid joke, but it’s true. You can get rid off from your wife or girlfriend, but it is hard to forget their memories. Our memories follow us, faster than twitter or any other social network!  Frankly speaking, it is hard to find a happy and tensionless person nowadays. Worry caused me to lose ten years of my life. Those ten years should have been the most fruitful and richest years of any young man’s life- the years from eighteen to twenty eight.

I realized now that losing those years was no one’s fault but my own. I worried about everything: my job, my health, my family, and my feeling of inferiority. I was so frightened that I used to cross the street to avoid meeting people I knew. When I met a friend on the street, I would often pretend not to notice him, because I was afraid of being snubbed.

I was so afraid of meeting strangers- so terrified in their presence- that in one space of two weeks I lost out on three different jobs simply because I didn’t have the courage to tell those three prospective employers what I knew I could do.

Then one day eight years ago, I conquered worry in one afternoon- and have rarely worried since then.  That afternoon I was in the office of a man who had had far more troubles than I had ever faced, yet he was one of the most cheerful man I had ever known. He had made a fortune lost in 1978, and lost every penny. He had made another fortune in 1986, and lost that; and another fortune in 1990, and lost that too. He had gone through bankruptcy and had been hounded by enemies and creditors. Troubles that would have broken some men and driven them to suicide rolled off him like water off a duck’s back.

As I sat in his office that day eight years ago, I was in Naryana, Delhi that time. I envied him and wished that God had made me like him.

As we were talking, he tossed a letter to me that he had received that morning and said, “Read that.”

It was an angry letter, raising several embarrassing questions. If I had received such a letter, it would have sent me into a tailspin. I said, “Mr. Roy, how are you going to answer it?”

“Well,” Mr. Roy said, “I will tell you a little secret. Next time you have really got something to worry about, take a pencil and a piece of paper, and sit down and write out in details just what’s worrying you. Then put that piece of paper in the lower right-hand drawer of your desk. Wait a couple of weeks, and then look at it. If what  you wrote down still worries you when you read it, put that piece of paper back in your lower right-hand drawer. Let it sit there for another two weeks. It will be safe there. Nothing will happen to it.

But in the meantime, a lot may happen to the problem that is worrying you. I have found that, if only I have patience, the worry that is trying to harass me will often collapse like a pricked balloon.

That bit of advice made a great impression on me. I have been using Mr. Roy’s advice for years now, and as a result, I rarely worry about anything.

What Makes you Tired

 

Here is an astounding and significant fact: Mental work alone cannot make you tired. Sounds absurd. But a few years ago, scientists tried to find out how long the human brain could labor without reaching '’a diminished capacity for work,” the scientific definition of fatigue. To the amazement of these scientist, they discovered that blood passing through the brain, when it is active shows no fatigue at all! If you took blood from the veins of a day laborer while he as working, you would find it full of ‘fatigue toxins’ and fatigue products. But if you take a drop of blood from the brain of an Albert Einstein, it would show show no fatigue toxins whatever at the end of the day.

  So far as the brain is concerned it can work as well as swiftly at the end of eight or even twelve hours of efforts as at the beginning. The brain is utterly tireless……. So what makes you tired?

Psychiatrists declare that most of our fatigue derives from our mental and emotional attitudes. One of England’s most distinguished psychiatrist, J. A. Hadfield says in his book ‘The Psychology of Power.’ The greater part of the fatigue from which we suffer is of mental origin; in fact exhaustion of purely physical origin is rare.

One of America’s most distinguished psychiatrist, Dr. A. A. Brill, goes even further. He declares, “One hundred percent of the fatigue of the sedentary worker in good health is due to psychological factors, by which we mean emotional factors.”

What kind of emotional factors tire the sedentary (or sitting) worker? Joy? Contentment? No! Never! Boredom, resentment, a feeling of not being appreciated, a feeling of futility, hurry, anxiety, worry- those are the emotional factors  that exhaust the sitting worker, make him susceptible to colds, reduce his output and sent him home with a nervous headache. Yes, we get tired because of our emotions produce nervous tensions in the body.

The Metropolitan Life Insurance Company pointed that out in a leaflet on fatigue. “Hard work by itself,” says this great life-insurance company, “Seldom causes fatigue which cannot be cured by a good sleep or rest… worry, tenseness, and emotional upsets are three of the biggest causes of fatigue. Often they are to blame when physical or mental work seems to be the cause….Remember that a tense muscle is a working muscle. Ease up! Save energy for important duties.”

Stop now right where you are, and give yourself a checkup. As you read these lines, are you scowling at the article? Do you feel a strain between the eyes? Are you sitting relaxed in your chair? Or are you hunching up your shoulders? Are the muscles of your face tense? Unless your entire body is as limp and relaxed as an old rag doll, you are at this very moment producing nervous tensions and muscular tensions. You are producing nervous tensions and nervous fatigue!

Why do we produce these unnecessary tensions in doing mental work? Daniel W. Josselyn says: “I find that the chief obstacle…..is the almost well done.” So we scowl when we concentrate. We hunch up our shoulders. We call on our muscles to make the motions of effort, which in no way assists our brain in its work. Here is an astonishing and tragic truth: Millions of people who wouldn’t dream of wasting dollars go right on wasting and squandering  their energy with the recklessness of seven drunken sailors in Singapore. What’s the answer to this nervous fatigue? Relax! Relax! Relax! Learn to relax while you are doing your work! Easy? No. You will probably have to revert the habits of a lifetime. But it is a worth the effort, for it may revolutionize your life. William James said, in his essay, “The Gospel of Relaxation'”: The American over tension and jerkiness and breathlessness and intensity and agony of expression… are bad habits, nothing more or less.” Tension is a habit. Relaxing is a habit. And bad habits can be broken, good habits formed.

  How do you relax? Do you start with your mind, or do you start with your nerves? You don’t start with either. You always begin to relax with your muscles! Let’s give it a try. To show how it is done, suppose we start with your eyes. Read this paragraph through, and when you have reached the end, lean back, close your eyes, and say to your eyes silently, “Let go. Let go. Stop straining, stop frowning. Let go, let go.” Repeat over and over very slowly for a minute……….

   Didn’t you notice that after a few seconds the muscle of the eyes began to obey? Didn’t you feel as though some hand hand wiped away the tension? Well, incredible as it seems, you have sampled in that one minute the whole key and secret to the art of relaxing. You can do the same thing with the jaw, with the muscle of the face, with the neck, with the shoulders, the whole of the body. But the most important organ of all is the eyes. Dr. Edmund Jacobson of the University of Chicago has gone so far as to say that if you can completely relax the muscle of the eyes, you can forget all your troubles. The reason the eyes are so important in reliving nervous tension is that they burn up one fourth of All the nervous energies consumed by the body. That is also why so many people with perfectly sound vision suffer from “eyestrain.” They are tensing the eyes.  Vickie Baum, the famous novelist, said that when she was a child, she met an old man who taught her one of the most important lessons she ever learned. She had fallen down and cut her knees and hurt her wrist. The old man picked her up; he had once been a circus clown; and as he brushed her off, he said: “The reason you injured yourself was because you don’t know how to relax. You have to pretend you are as limp as a sock, as an old crumpled sock. Come, I will show you how to do it.” That old man taught Vicki Baum and the other children how to fall, how to do flip-flops, and how to turn somersaults. And always he instead, “Think of yourself as an old crumpled sock. Then you have got to relax!” You can relax in odd moments, almost anywhere you are. Only don’t make an effort to relax. Relaxation is the absence of all tensions and effort. Think ease and relaxation, Begin by thinking relaxation of the muscles of your eyes and your face, saying over and over, “Let go………. let go… let go and relax.” Feel the energy flowing out of your facial muscles to the center of your body. Think of yourself as free from tension as a baby. That is what Galli-Curci, the great soprano, used to do.

            Here are four suggestions that will help you learn to relax:

 1. Relax in odd moments- Let your body go limp like an old sock. If you haven’t got a sock, a cat will do. Did you ever pick up a kitten sleeping in the sunshine? If so, both ends sagged like a wet newspaper. Even the yogis in India say that if you want to master the art of relaxation, study the cat. I never saw a tired cat, a cat with a nervous breakdown, or a cat suffering from insomnia, worry, or stomach ulcers. You will probably avoid these disasters if you learn to relax as the cat does.

2. Work, as much as possible, in a comfortable position. Remember that tensions on the body produce aching shoulders and nervous fatigue.

3. Check yourself four or five times a day, and say to yourself, “Am I making my work harder than it actually is? Am I using muscles that have nothing to with the work I am doing?” This will help you form the habit of relaxing, and as Dr. David Harold Fink says, “Among those who knows psychology best, it is habits two to one.”

4. Test yourself again at the end of the day, by asking yourself, “Just how tired am I?” If I am tired, it is not because of the mental work I have done but because of the way I have done it.” I measure my accomplishments, “Says Daniel W. Josselyn, “not by how tired I am at the end of day, but how tired I am not.” He says, “When I feel particularly tired at the end of the day, or when irritability proves that my nerves are tired, I know beyond question that it has been an inefficient day both as to quantity and quality.” If every businessman in America would learn that same lesson,  then death rate from hypertension would drop overnight. And we would stop filling up our sanitariums and asylums with people who have been broken by fatigue and worry.

How to Prepare yourself for Special Situations

I am sure, we all have some special situations/events/occasions/conditions in our life. Maybe some are good ones, and some not. No matter what, we must prepare ourselves to face such expected or unexpected situations. There are things we all find difficult. Take, for example, appearing on the stage or on radio or television, where we would get, ‘butterfly in the stomach’ and other physical sensations. I think that is completely normal. It happens!  Some people find certain situations difficult, maybe those that others would not expect to have problem with. For example, I love horseback riding and swimming along with recreational shooting. For me, they are agreeable situations and these are just my hobbies. So I enjoy them a lot and take them easy. But, hey stop for a moment! If I make you sit on a horse, and you don’t know horseback riding then? What would happen with you? So it all depends on the person and situations. As in many other areas there is no such things as normal.

     We are often expected to undertake tasks that we will find difficult, or with which we will have problems- symptoms we get when we are stressed. We have already talked about some of them. We shall now consider how you can deal with these difficult situations. Don’t worry, I’ll talk about only genuine conditions, I’m not in a mood of teaching you riding!

So let’s talk about some:

Preparation and Research- If you are in a public place and you start to feel tense, try to go to sleep. It may sound a little odd, but what I meant to say was that you should just sit comfortably and relax as if you were going to sleep. In short, try to distract yourself, distraction can help to prevent tensions. Just try to relax, sky is not going to fall over you. You’re still safe.

Trying to fall asleep engenders that feeling of relaxation that you have been trying to achieve. It’s a short cut, not as good as real relaxation, but good enough in an emergency. Or, you can think about the person who you think is brave, or your life Hero. For example, When I was in a college, I applied for Army and taken for a very difficult test. That time, I was quite nervous, but then I relaxed myself and started thinking about my uncle who is in Army. He is so brave and has been serving for Army since 1987. So just one thought of my uncle encouraged me a lot.

To tell you the truth, there is no substitute for real preparation. You might ask, “Why should I have to do all this work when others can just stand up and speak off the cuff?” Well, others may not have your particular problems, but then you don’t know just how copious the notes on their cuff may be, or how long they have been rehearsing in front of their mirrors. No, if you re apprehensive, do something about it, and do it early rather than getting late.

Research-

               Now is the time to use the methods we have talked about earlier. Find out about your subject, do some research. Ask people what sort of event it is you are going to. You might even visit the location first, so that you get familiar with it when the time comes. Find out who will be there. All this applies as much to a neighborhood party as to the naming of an ocean  liner. You just cannot have too much preparation.

          What we are going to do now is to see how we can use the techniques we have learned in particular situations, those for which people seem to need most help.

  Those  ‘Special’ situations-

                    Sooner or later we all have to stand u and make a speech. It might just be a few words, or you might find yourself in a situation where you are expected to make speeches regularly, and this could be a problem.  Speaking in public is just like acting, even if you are acting the part of yourself. The trick is in the preparation. You have to know that if you stand up and your mind goes blank, you can go on ‘auto-pilot’ and perform just well.

       That means writing out your speech and possibly learning it off by heart. It means practicing it in front of the mirror, recording it on a cassette player and listening to it over and over again. It means learning to show down your delivery and wait for laughs at your jokes. If you have to jokes, try them out on friends first. Everything should be rehearsed and practiced.

Have good notes to fall back on. You cannot rely on reading a speech, but you need to have something. Notes written on cards are very helpful, but make sure that they are well spaced out with clear underlined headings, so that if you ‘dry up’ you can find your place easily. You might like to mark different places where you can end your speech if it seems to be too long. You also need to be responsive to the audience. If you want to respond to something which another speaker has said, write it down so that you can refer to it. (Just don’t forget to bring a pen with you)

      If you are giving a lecture, you might consider teaching aids. Good clear slides or diagrams on the overhead projectors  can divert your audience and brighten up your presentation. If the audience is happy you can relax. And keep it short. Think of all those tense, phobic people in your audience.

 

Ceremonies-  

                Weddings, graduation ceremonies and the like can be difficult even if you are only there as a member of the audience. It’s the formal atmosphere which is so upsetting. It is deliberately fostered to give the ceremony dignity, which is exactly what is required of an event such as a wedding, or a concert. At these events you tend to be a passive participant, even you are involved. Ceremonies are like that. Being passive and quiet can also be a problem, sometimes even more difficult than talking an active part. But you know what to expect, so you can use all your confidence building techniques to help you. As always, it is the anticipation which is worse than the event, so treat it as simply something you have to go through. For example, If I share my personal experience with you then people usually ask me in parties, or ceremonies; “Hey, why are you not getting married?” I really feel as if I am doing a sin to not get married! But I usually give them one easy answer, “I have not found my soul-mate yet.” To be honest with you, I just cannot go with a selfish woman or gold-digger. Maybe I sound a bit crazy, but I have been searching for a true love whole my life so far.

 

Driving Tests-

  Well, it used to be too easy for Indians, but no longer now. Nowadays, you have to go through with all relevant process. So you had better prepare for it. Frankly speaking, this is a completely different type of event because you have to take an active part. You have to perform well under stress, rather like making a speech or acting in a play. In this case, you will be well rehearsed. Your driving instructor will have have made sure of that. He will also have you given some tips about the test itself. Yet many people fail the test because they are lacking in confidence. They simply don’t do themselves justice, and it is very annoying. Some of course fail because they appear to be overconfident; but that is another matter. When taking the driving test, one has not only to prepare for the driving part, but also for the ordeal of driving while being critically observed. The only way to do this to use your imagination. Remember the time when you have done your relaxing, and you sit in a relaxed way and practice difficult  situations in your mind? You can do your driving test as often as you want to in the weeks before the actual event itself. And practice makes perfect. 

 

Examinations-

                       As we get older our days of having to take examinations should be over. At least that used to be the case. Nowadays education seems to go on forever and we may still be doing examinations when we are retired. Many retired people already pursue Open University degrees. It’s never too late to start. Many people feel that they don’t do themselves justice because they don’t feel confident in examinations. Fortunately, continuous assessment now makes examination less important. But they still exist. One word of advice: Don’t take medication before an examination. You don’t want to dull your performance in any way. Prepare as before. Remember that when you’re in the examination hall you have more time than you think, so slow down. Take five minutes before you start writing, prepare your mind and actively relax. Then, when you are settled, work steadily and do your best.

 

Interviews-

           Interviews can be as stressful as any other event, but it may help if you know what is going on. Some interviewers are quite simple and involve only one or two interviewers. They want to find out about you and will ask appropriate questions. You should sit comfortably, relax, take your time and do your best to give honest answers to the questions asked. Other interviewers are not so simple. If it is a serious interview for a promotion or a new job, the interviewing panel may try to provoke you or stress you. They do this by having both a ‘nice and nasty’ interviewers. One will ask pleasant questions, and the other will be provocative, and try to unsettle you. That is part of the game. But if you know that you can prepare for it.

 

Appearing in Court- 

                      No one likes appearing in court except lawyers, and they are paid to do it. Courts are designed to be intimidating, and even jury service can be very difficult. All that you can do is to be yourself, but as you know that takes considerable effort, preparation and practice. Courts in real life look just the same as they do on television, but court officials are little different from their television image. The judge can be very helpful and the counsel can also encourage you. But as in the interview situation, court can be a game and the opposition lawyer can be fairly objectionable. His task is to disconcert you so that you will appear either an idiot or else unreliable, or both. Remember that everyone in the court, from the judge down, knows the game and what is going on. So just be yourself. Answer honestly and it will be the lawyer who appears bullying or incompetent.  There is nothing more disarming than simple honesty.

 

Travelling-

             Just being away from home can be disconcerting for some people. For others traveling can be a strain, air travel in particular. And why not? A jet aircraft is an intimidating thing and there is the added difficulty that you cannot stop it and get off if you don’t like it. However, flying in a jet is an excellent opportunity for you to practice your relaxation techniques. One thing is certain, if you can actually get yourself into an aircraft you will arrive at the other end. The difficult bit is getting on. So practice at home, during your relaxation sessions. Go the the airport and see what it is like there. There have been courses at some airports simulation air travel for those with flying phobia. Rehearse it in your imagination, but most of all pay your money and go.

 

Sex-

    I don’t think I will dwell on this subject because there are entire books given over to this area. It is worth saying though that the sexual part of our lives is an important and rewarding part, but it is a delicate and sensitive area, so we need confidence if we are to enjoy it and be fulfilled by it. If you have problems with any part of the business of sex, use the techniques described here, but also seek expert help, or else consult the right books for information and help. Now we shall look at the mental attitudes that contribute to our lack of confidence. I will try to post it soon………….

Are We Progressing?

 

 

As we know that Progress is a controversial term. It’s difficult to determine what progress exactly means: mere changes?, material progress or urbanization?  Progress ought to make us happier than before. Since some criterion is needed to determine progress, we can take happiness as the touchstone. But different people get happiness in different things; so even this is vague. Nevertheless, sound health, economics securities, social friendship, mental satisfaction are things desired by all.

Progress in the field of medicine: In this field there has been great progress. Life is less painful; more diseases are now curable; the average life span of mankind has gone up.

Machine have made our life more comfortable: Machines have provided us with extra limbs and relieved us of drudgery. But we have also become depended on them. For example- we cannot go without things like AC, fridge, computer etc. If I am able to write this article on blogger it is just because technology and machine.

Education has spread on a large scale: There is more enlightenment, less superstition, less religious fanaticism. Even women have been emancipated to a certain extent. However, there is more anxiety and tension now. We have lost faith in God as wee as in human beings. Life has become extremely fast and competitive. So we are always full of anxiety and tensions. Also we haven’t attended moral and mental maturity. Our life is still of jealousy, selfishness, etc. Emotionally we are still very backward. So what is the conclusion of whole points I mentioned above? It is undeniable that life is changing, but it is very difficult to say that we are progressing towards greater happiness.

Let’s talk more about such points:

If evolution were progress, we could confidently claim as well as demonstrated our progress. But the two terms are not synonyms. And there is total disagreement on the implication of the world,”Progress.”

The miracle of the modern world elicit instantaneous praise, but primitivism all does not lack supporters. Any change in the world brings about a qualitative or quantitative reshuffling of the existing order. It involves a net gain and to counteract it, a net loss. Material progress involves declines of spiritual values. Urbanization has provided us with new facilities of the life but it has caused congestion and it has alienated  man from nature. Thus it appears to be a tricky business to designate changes as decline or progress.

One might suggest happiness to be a touchstone of progress. A change that is conductive to happiness is progress. But happiness too is an ambiguous idea. Some people find pleasure in austerity and self-denial; to an epicurean, happiness consists in self-indulgence. There can certainly be no meeting ground for the two.

We are living in an age of machines. Machines have been described as our extra limbs. We have devised them to relieve us of monotony and drudgery. They have knitted the universe into a single unit. They have also bought everything within the reach of everybody. But we have allowed the machines to become our masters. We have been reduced to helpless dependents on the genie we ourselves control. If the new atomic weapons are also included among machines- and undoubtedly they are machines- one wonders who controls whom. Are we at the mercy of these murderous weapons or are these weapons dead stones without us? Let an Aladdin answer. Similarly, we shall soon be asking: do we control computers or do computer control us?

There has been considerable material progress. Production is quicker, cheaper and at a much larger scale. It has provided man with numerous comforts of life. It has offered new channels of occupation. But industrials production has caused economic disparity. Money has concentrated in a few hands. Economic exploitation has increased. It is like making a man conscious of the need of economic employment and security and then depriving him of any such security.

Today, the school master is also go abroad. There are powerful movements all over the word to educate the masses. We are now more enlightened, less superstitious. Woman has also been emancipated to a certain extent. There is certainly a great deal of awareness in the air. But if we recall the storm against Salman Rushdie’s Satanic Verses, we realize that religious fundamentalism is still very strong. If we think that the concept of a liberated woman is only a myth. We may dream of a world government, but the fact is that more and more countries are getting fragmented. So where is progress?

Our standards of life have gone up breeding unhealthy competition. Our horizons have widened but our life has become dizzy fast. We have no blind faith in any power. In fact, we have no faith at all. Science has shattered our faith in God without giving us any equally powerful substitute. At the same time, Darwin and Freud have introduced us to the seamy side of human nature. WE have thus been provided with all material comforts but someone has snatched from us sprit to enjoy life. We are always strained and tense. We are being singed by the heart of the fire we kindled to enlighten and warm ourselves.

And a word more: Morally and emotionally man has not changed. He is as selfish, as jealous, as possessive, as brutal today as he was in the stone age. But today with the introduction of powerful weapons of war, his jealousy can be fatal for his fellow beings. A power maniac like Hitler can explode the world in a jiffy. This was not possible in the primitive age, is this Progress?

Charles Darwin who propounded the theory of evolution argued that since evolution is continuous, “All corporal and mental environment will tend to progress towards perfection.” Pretty optimistic and assuring, isn’t it?

We are slowly but steadily moving towards perfection. But shall we deny the freedom of expression to such a cynic as Wendell Philips who says, “Every step of progress the world has made has been made from scaffold to scaffold and from stake to stake.”

If you think that this article is worth reading, then please leave your comments and tell me about your own views about progress!

What is Social Relationship

 

As we all know that human is a social animal and he/she lives in a society. We all live in a different- different societies. Maybe, our way of living, way of thinking, beliefs might not match with each other, but still we are all human. So what is relationship? I’m sure you already know the meaning of relationship, but we have many kind of relationships in our life. Some are called Good ones, some are Bad ones, and some are called complicated. No matter what, Human Society is integrated in terms of social relationship.  Society consists individuals who are always active upon their environment. But and individuals is not capable to perform all kind of activities. Consequentially, different types of relationship emerge into actual existence. In the absence of such relations, existence of human society is not possible. Therefore society is recognized to be the sum total of social relationship. The term ‘Social Relationship’ implies a reciprocal influence,  a mutual connection among the elements of society.

Meaning of Social Relationship-

                                            Well, I bet you already know the meaning of social relationship, however, I am giving an example of Weber. According to Weber, the term social relationship denotes the behavior of the plurality of actors. In its meaningful content, the behavior of each actor is oriented towards the behavior of other actors. Thus according to Weber, the social relationship consists entirely and exclusively in the existence of a probably that there will be, in some meaningful understandable sense, a course of social action.

Types of relationships-

            Well, again, according to Weber, he has classified relationships on two grounds- Nature of relationship and Participation of actor in a given social relationship. It terms of nature, Weber has mentioned two types of relationship namely: (i) communal and (ii) Associative. On the other hand in terms of participation relationship  is of two types namely: Open relationship and Closed Relationship.

So let’s talk about all these terms here, just briefly!

1- Communal and Associative Relationship- A social relationship will be called “Communal” if and so far as the oriented of social action-whether in the individual case or on the average, or in the pure type- is based on the objective feeling of the parties whether affectual or traditional, that they belong together, such relationships depend on  affectual, emotional or traditional grounds.

2- Associative Relationship- A social relationship will be called “Associative” in and so far the orientation of social action within it rests on a rationally motivated adjustment of interests or similarly motivated agreements whether the basis of relational adjustment be absolute values or reasons of expedience.

Through relationships is divided into two categories but in general relationship is determined by associative as well as communal factors. There is no such relationship which may be purely associative or communal. Besides, the relationship which is not concerned with immediate pursuit of end is a relatively permanent relationship. Hence such relationships last in a long period.

So what are open and closed relationships?

Open relationship- I am sure you have seen bunch of peoples who have stated on facebook that they are in “Open Relationship.”  So what is the open relationship? the answer is simple, “A relationship regardless of whether it is communal or associative in character, will be spoken as “Open” to outsiders. If and in so far as participated in the mutually oriented social action relevant to its subjective meaning is, according to its system of order, not denied to anyone who wishes to participate and who is actually in a position to do so. Thus is in open relationship, an outsider who is willing to participate in the relationship is not restricted. In short, you are all welcome in my house and heart!

Closed Relationship- On the other hand, in a closed relationship participation of outsiders is denied. Such type of relationship is called “Closed” against outsiders so far as, according to its subjective, meaning and binding rules of its order, participation of certain person is excluded, limited or subjective to conditions. Thus in a closed relationship certain person, are excluded from participation.

Well any relationship whether it is ‘open or closed’  depends on traditional, rational or affectual grounds. If a social relationship provides opportunity for satisfaction to participating individuals, then due to rational reasons the relationship is likely to be closed. On the other hand, if the participation of outsiders will improve their own situation, then the relationship is likely to be open.

How to Handle Difficult Situations

What can we do to make our lives more comfortable, those difficult situations easier to mange? If we know that we are going to have to attend an event that we will find difficult, is there any way we can prepare for it? Is there an way we can use those hours of discomfort which precede a social event or a business meeting, or perhaps a speech?

I do not think we need to just accept that thing may be difficult. We can prepare by practicing our relaxation as often we can. But these are also ways that we can develop our relaxing to help us further. If we are to do that we have to use our imagination.

We all have some imagination. Sometimes it is too vivid and we imagine all sorts of difficulties. That is counterproductive. But  a normal sensible imagination can be used to our advantage. We can rehearse and practice any situation we find difficult in our imagination.

   No actor would consider appearing on the stage without sufficient rehearsal, because he knows that he would make a fool of himself. the pressure of performing in front of an audience would make him perform unnaturally. He might forget his lines. He might, ‘did’ as actors call it. So an actor will always rehearse and practice before any new part.

     If you find some ordinary events just as stressful as an actor might find performing in a new play, you might consider preparing for that party or business meeting in advance, privately.

          If you are already doing relaxation exercise, you will remember that when you finished doing them you had a period of quiet and relaxation. That’s the time to use your imagination. Imagine that you are going to have to face, picture it in details. Think of your arrival, who might be there when you go in, what they might say to you, what you might reply? Go through the whole evening in your imagination if you can.

As we have already found out, you might experience any unpleasant sensation that you normally get in the real situations. Use your breathing relaxation techniques to deal with those symptoms. That’s good practice too. But do some planning as well. Decide how you are going to handle the different encounter.

 

    It may be that the actual event is nothing like what you imagine, so be prepared to adapt if necessary. You cannot afford to be too rigid. But the exercise is useful an interesting just the same, and worth doing.

        A friend of mine joined the Navy, he was a very ambitious and competitive person and he was determinate to do well. He was certainly no lacking in confidence. He realized early on that making a good impression on ones superiors was important, so he devised a system for doing just that.

          He knew that remembering peoples’ name and personal particular was important. It’s very flattering if someone remembers you and your particular interests. But how do you do that if you have a terrible memory and never have the least ideas who you are talking to, even though you have met them recently? It’s a problem of many of us have.

             My friend brought out the solution. He started a "Kardex” of everyone he met. After a party or a meeting he went home and wrote down the names of everyone he met and as much as he could remember about them. He soon built up a dossier on a large number of influential people. Then, before going to a party, or meeting, he would look up the guest list and try to work out who might be there. He could then read up their details and prepare himself before meeting with them.

  If he had been caught, my friend might have been taken for a spy. Keeping records like that isn’t the sort of thing that I’d be comfortable doing, particularly if it was a being done purely social reasons. But it might have a place in certain situations.

           Business representative keep similar notes about clients. A sales representative cannot afford to forget the name or personal details of a client, so before he makes a call he may well get out a card with the clients’ details on it so that he can refresh his memory. I think that is a quite legitimate exercise. If you have difficultly organizing yourself, good notes might be worth having.

                  Some professionals in private practice do the same thing. Good medical records are essential, so a doctor would commit a lot of information to paper after a consolation. Some of them may then turn over the sheet of paper and write a few further notes on the back, such as “Just moved to new house,” or “Son just starting school.”

Nothing is difficult

 

 

 

Nothing is difficult to those who have the will- Motto of Dutch Poets Society.

Courage is the ladder on which all other virtues mount.

                                                                           Clare Boothe Luce

 

Be yourself-

   Or are you dishonest about yourself in other ways? Do you pretend to be someone you are not? Perhaps you are not aware of doing that, but it might be true just the same. We all act a part, but some people do that more than others and sometimes it shows. Do you pretend to be great outdoor type when you are  really more found of your own fireside? Do you make casual remarks which suggest great achievements in the past? You may not deliberately make up facts about your past, but you may try to give a certain impression just the same. That can work to your advantage for a while, but in the long  run you cannot pretend. Your true personality will come out and then you are in trouble. It is better to just be yourself.

Can people talk to you? 

                                                 Is it just that you are absolutely impossible to talk? It may be that you don’t listen to the answer people give to your questions. Or you may not answer the questions people ask you because you are too intent on thinking up your next question. You may simply have lost the art of conversation because you are lacking in confidence and are too keen to please. You may not concentrate during a conversation. That may be because you are self-conscious, but how is the person you are talking to know that? He or she can only know what he or she sees and hears.

We have already talked about the business of being relaxed and appearing relaxed. We should be on the way to mastering those particular arts by now. Remember that someone who says little and stays calm and quite always taken to be wise. But one cannot stay quite forever. Let us now think about conversation and relationships.

Let People Talk to You- Don’t talk at people

Surly a conversation is a simple natural event? Yes, for many people it is just that. But for the shy or self-conscious it can be a trial, loaded with difficulties. We may even have to learn the art of conversation.That is not difficult and with practice it will become natural and easy. Try talking to yourself, in the car, or at home. Talk to people on the train  or on the bus.

   There are some things you have to remember. One is to concentrate, actually listen to what is being said. Think about your responses, try to say something intelligent and don’t speak just for the sake of speaking. That means that you will have to allow silences to occur in the conversation, which can be difficult. But remember that you have new powers. You now have the ability to relax. You are more at ease so silences become tolerable.

Don’t force the conversation just for the sake of doing so. Let it take its own course. Don’t say silly things just for the sake of appearing clever. Listen to what is said. Learn to identify humor and sarcasm, so that you don’t take everything too seriously. Let people talk to you- Don’t talk at people.

Eye to eye contact can be a problem. You don’t know just how much should look at the person to whom you are talking. Meet his or her eyes too much and you might appear arrogant, too little and you appear disinterested. You have to strike a balance, and that comes with practice. The more confidence you get, the more conversations you have, the less of a problem these things become. Don’t worry about them. Just notice that they are there. You can try to sort them out, but in the long run they will sort themselves out.

        Practice finishing a conversation. Learn a few gambits to use when you feel that a conversation has reached a natural conclusion. You could say, "Well, I have to go now,” or “It’s been nice meeting with you,” or anything you like. But learn how to stop a conversation. Some people find that very difficult, but really it is just a matter of rehearsal and practice, of learning how to manage a conversation. When you can control your body, or a relationship, or a conversation, then you can begin to have confidence in your performance. Confidence builds on confidence.

 

Small Improvements Make a Big Difference  

     So there is some more wok to do. You have to take note of the way you behave in public. But you should also watch the way other people do things. Choose someone who does it well. See how he conducts encounters, look in detail at the things he says and the way he says them. Of course you cannot just copy someone else. That doesn’t work. But it will give you ideas about the way you can change your approach. Try to make small changes first. Perhaps try to talk a little less, or listen more. Make whatever small improvements you can. Remember, we are in the business of making small advances, knowing that overall our performance will improve, and with it our confidence.

Look right, talk right, feel right. Learn all the time. These are things you can practice yourself. But confidence is about relationships with others.

What Are You Really Like

 

 

 

Self-analysis can be an absorbing hobby. It can also be very instructive and helpful if you don’t overdo it. Understanding yourself is a necessary first step to improve yourself.

         You have begun the process. You have had a good look at yourself, though about yourself. perhaps you have made a few notes. What have you found out on this voyage of discovery? You must be very honest. We can all fool others but we must not fool ourselves. This is not the time for self-deception.

    Most of us do have a very accurate idea of what we are like. There is evidence that we do. For example, think of the people we marry. It’s surprising how many of us eventually marry an entirely appropriate spouse.  Men don’t marry their dream woman.  They know what they are really like and they marry the right person, almost instinctively. What we are trying to achieve now is a true understanding  of what we are really like.

    What about those notes we made? Here we put down some thoughts about our particular problems, the things which bother us. We thought about the fact that in some situations we get unpleasant sensations. A doctor would call them symptoms. Of course, not everyone will experience these, but certainly everyone who considers himself or herself to be lacking in confidence will have these sensations in some difficult situations.

 

 Your response to Stress

                        Imagine that you are at a meeting. Perhaps you don’t like meetings, and you are concerned that you might be asked to give a report. This would not be a problem for most people, but you don’t feel confident in this particular situation. So you might feel quite ill, and lacking in confidence. You might experience some or all these symptoms: tremor, diarrhea, sweating, dizziness, palpitations, muscle tension or feeling of panic.

    Why do you get these symptoms? Its very simple. Your body has learned to produce them in response to stress, and for you just being in this situation is stressful. The mechanism by which they are produced is well known by doctors, and is related to the production of a substance called adrenaline which stimulates parts of the nervous system. Tackling these symptoms will be part of your treatment. Needless to say the presence of these powerful and distressing symptoms is very damaging to your self-confidence.

 

 Selective Responses

       A lack of confidence is selective. We can be generally lacking in confidence, of course, but it is almost always worse in some situations, which will be particularly difficult for us. It may be that we have previously had unpleasant experience in such a situation, or that we have found our symptoms worse. But the reasons don’t matter. We are stuck with the results.

   Often the situation will be a small gathering or an enclosed space, somewhere we cannot get out of easily, or where we are in contact  with people we find threatening. Or perhaps it will be where we will have to deal with members of the opposite sex. Where exactly does not matter just now. It is enough  to note that the phenomenon exists. We shall deal with it later.

 

  Your relationships 

          Much of our lack of confidence is to do with our relation with other people. We can find all sorts of relationships difficult. We might have trouble with a particular boss, or a girlfriend or boyfriend; it might be a waiter or a hairdresser or a car park attendant. Some of these relationships are important and some are not. But all difficult relationships can damage our confidence, and in a way the less important they are the more inadequate we may feel if we cannot handle them. We will come back to these problems.

 

  What situations do you most want to master?

                 What would we like, not just to be able to do, but to be able to do well and to enjoy doing? If you have made a note of this, then this is your goal. If there is a situation you don’t like or you avoid, then mastering that is your goal. Make a note of it and keep it at the back of your mind.

 

 

 

 

 

What are you good at? Start with your strengths.

            We are all good at something. This is no time for false modesty, everyone has a talent, no matter how small. Many shy under –confident people have great talent, and that talent may be masked by their lack of confidence. It’s particularly important that they learn to master their lack of confidence and fulfill their potential. And exploiting that talent gives them a starting point. It allows them to start from strength. If you have a particular ability make it down as a plus.

How to face the World with Confidence

    I’m pretty sure we all want to face this world with confidence and show ourselves as a confident, smart, intelligent and a determinate person. We all have the power of changing people and show yourself as a leader among people. Who does not want to be famous? Who does want fame and money? I am sure you also want to be a successful in your life. To be successful in your life, you are required to work hard and possess enough confidence to face people and deal with them.

Confidence comes from within ourselves. We have to build confidence from basic principles. There can be no short cuts. Any small advantages gained from an attempt to cut corners would be short-lived.  So let us continue with the hard slog, knowing that there is the only one way forward. What comes now might be a little painful . Some things have to be faced and now is a good time to get them out of the way.

So what a person should do to be a confident person?

As others See you

 So far we have been looking at ourselves very critically, reorganizing ourselves. WE have mad e few changes. Now we might have to make a few more. What we have to do now is to look at ourselves again, this time not as we see ourselves, but as others might see us. Why would that be that painful?

  We might not like what we see, or we might not particularly enjoy this sort of dissection of our character. What we are going to o now is to look not so much at out character as at our behavior- at the way we act and at the things we do, more precisely the things we do wrongly.

 

 Do you put people Off?

            If you are lacking in confidence it might be because of a difficulty communicating with other people. And that might be because you not only project an image unfavorable to yourself, you may actually put people off by your behavior, There is no point in going over the past, but some consideration of past events is inevitable. We will do as little of it as possible, as it can be distressing.

 

How do you Behave?

          We must consider how we behave in certain situations, or perhaps how we behave every time we meet the same situation. Do we do it wrongly? This is different from the exercises we have been doing up to now where we have been doing up to now where we have been considering the detail of the way we dress or sit or walk. Now we are thinking about the way we act, not so much about the way we talk as about the things we say. How does this appear to others?

 

Always Remember a Past Encounter-

              You may well remember some event or encounter which was less than satisfactory from your point of view. You may well know exactly why it went wrong. Knowing that is not the same as doing something about it. But you may well not realize what is unsatisfactory about your relationships. We all have the ability for self- discovery just as we al have the capacity of self-delusion. Now is the time for realism.

Do you put people off? And if so why? Let us consider some possibilities, then you can make up your own mind. Later on we can work out ways of dealing with our difficulties. For the moment think of a particular relationship or encounter which was less than successful. Perhaps you have always wondered just why it didn’t work the way you would have liked.

 

What Goes Wrong?

                  Once you can answer such a question. But there are some things that might have gone wrong, and they might still be going wrong and spoiling your relationships now. If your relationships with other people are in some way unsatisfactory you can never have the confidence to know that they will go better in the future. You actually have to do something about it.

    As always, the first thing to do is to look at the problem. Try not to look with your own eyes, rather with they eyes of the other person involved in the encounter. What did he, or she see? What didn’t he or she like about the event, or think you did wrong?

       The answer is almost certainly straightforward. There may, of course, be an explanation that has nothing to do with you. There are many reasons why things go wrong, but you should choose some event which you think went wrong because of something you may have done, or the way you may have acted. Why did it go wrong?

     perhaps you were too enthusiastic, or tried to hard, or smothered the person with enthusiasm or even with affection. You may have offered or done too much. People ‘back off,’ if you intrude on their privacy, or remove their initiative. People don’t want to be in someone’s debt unless they choose to be.

This happened to a young woman I know. A man at her work asked her to do some shopping for him because he was going to have to work late. She liked the man and was flattered to have been asked. I think the man liked her too and had an ulterior motive for asking her to help. But the woman not only did the shopping he asked for, she bought other things which she thought he might like, including some flowers that she thought might brighten up his apartment. Instead of being grateful to the woman, the man was embarrassed as a result shamed unkind. What might have been a very satisfactory relationship just didn’t get start.

It would have been better, if the girl had just done the shopping she had been asked to do.

   So you may do too much, or seem over anxious to please. Or there is the other extreme. You may be embarrassed by the attention of others and so seem to be difficult and uninterested. You may well be extremely cautious in your dealing with others, or too much on your guard, to frightened or hazarding yourself, too scared of getting hurt or taken advantage of. We are all a bit like that. We have to be because it is a dangerous world. But it is a matter of degree. Are you too cautious?      

Human Psychology

WHAT WERE YOU PUT ON THIS EARTH TO DO?
I discovered long ago what I was put on this earth to do. I determined my true
purpose in life, my “right livelihood.” I discovered how to inject passion and
determination into every activity I undertake. And I learned how purpose can
bring an aspect of fun and fulfillment to virtually everything I do.
Now I’d like to help uncover the same secret for you.
You see, without a purpose in life, it’s easy to get sidetracked on your life’s
journey. It’s easy to wander and drift, accomplishing little.
But with a purpose, everything in life seems to fall into place. To  be “on
purpose” means you’re doing what you love to do, doing what you’re good at
and accomplishing what’s important to you.  When you truly are on purpose,
the people, resources, and opportunities you need naturally gravitate toward
you. The world  benefits, too,  because when you act in alignment with your
true life purpose, all of your actions automatically serve others.
To humbly serve the Lord by being a loving, playful, powerful, and
passionate example of the absolute joy that is available to us the
moment we rejoice in God’s gifts and sincerely love and serve all of
his creations.
 
■
To leave the world a better place than I found it, for horses and for
people, too
 
■
To create and inspire one million millionaires who each give $1 million to their church or charity
 
■
To educate and inspire people to live their highest self based in
courage, purpose, and joy, versus fear, need, and obligation
 
Decide upon your major definite purpose in life and then organize
all your activities around it.
BRIAN TR ACY
One of America’s leading authorities on the development
of human potential and personal effectiveness
1. Robert Allen, coauthor of The One Minute Millionaire.
2. D.C. Cordova, cofounder of the Excellerated Business School.
3. Anthony Robbins, author of Personal Power and Get the Edge, entrepreneur, and philanthropist.
4. Monty Roberts, author of The Man Who Listens to Horses.
5. Mark Victor Hansen, coauthor of the Chicken Soup for the Soul
®
series.
6. T. Harv Eker, CEO of Peak Potentials and creator of the “Millionaire Mind” seminar.
Once you know what your life purpose is, you can organize all of your activities around it. Everything you do should be an expression of your purpose. If
an activity doesn’t fit that formula, you wouldn’t work on it. Period.
WHAT’S THE “WHY ” BEHIND EVERYTHING YOU DO?
Without purpose as the compass to guide you, your goals and action plans
may not ultimately fulfill you. You don’t want to get to the top of the ladder
only to find out you had it leaning up against the wrong wall.
When Julie Laipply was a child, she was a very big fan of animals. As a result, all she ever heard growing up was “Julie, you should be a vet. You’re going to be a great vet. That’s what you should do.” So when she got to Ohio
State University, she took biology, anatomy, and chemistry, and started
studying to be a vet. A Rotary Ambassadorial Scholarship allowed her to
spend her senior year studying abroad in Manchester, England. Away from
the family and faculty pressures back home, she found herself one dreary day
sitting at her desk, surrounded by biology books and staring out the window,
when it suddenly hit her: You know what? I’m totally miserable. Why am I so miserable? What am I doing? I don’t want to be a vet!
Julie then asked herself, What is a job I would love so much that I’d do it for free
but that I could actually get paid for? It’s not being a vet. That’s not the right job. Then
she thought back over all the things she’d done in her life and what had made
her the most happy. And then it hit her—it was all of the youth leadership
conferences that she had volunteered at, and the communications and leadership courses she had taken as elective courses back at Ohio State. How could I
have been so ignorant? Here I am at my fourth year at school and just finally realizing
I’m on the wrong path and not doing the right thing. But it’s been here in front of me the
whole time. I just never took the time to acknowledge it until now.
Buoyed by her new insight, Julie spent the rest of her year in England
taking courses in communications and media performance. When she returned to Ohio State, she was eventually able to convince the administration
to let her create her own program in “leadership studies,” and while it took
her 2 years longer to finally graduate, she went on to become a senior management consultant in leadership training and development for the Pentagon.
She also won the Miss Virginia USA contest, which allowed her to spend
much of 2002 speaking to kids all across Virginia, and more recently she has
created the Role Models and Mentors for Youth Foundation, which teaches
kids how to be better role models for one another. By the way, Julie is only 26
years old—a testament to the power that clarity of purpose can create in your
life.
The good news is that you don’t have to go all the way to England for a year
abroad to get away from the daily pressures of your life long enough to create
the space to discover what you are really here to do. You can simply take the
time to complete two simple exercises that will help you clarify your purpose.
YOUR INNER GUIDANCE SYSTEM IS YOUR JOY
It is the soul’s duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon
itself to its master passion.
DAME REBECCA W EST
Best-selling author
You were born with an inner guidance system that tells you when you are on
or off purpose by the amount of joy you are experiencing. The things that
bring you the greatest joy are in alignment with your purpose. To begin to
home in on your purpose, make a list of the times you have felt most joyful
and alive. What are the common elements of these experiences? Can you figure out a way to make a living doing these things?
Pat Williams is the senior vice-president of the Orlando Magic basketball
team. He has also written 36 books and is a professional speaker. When I
asked him what he felt the greatest secret to success was, he replied, “Figure
out what you love to do as young as you can, and then organize your life
around figuring out how to make a living at it.” For young Pat, it was sports—
more specifically, baseball. When his father took him to his first baseball
game in Philadelphia, he fell in love with the game. He learned to read by
reading the sports section of the New York Times. He knew he wanted to grow
up and have a career in sports. He devoted almost every waking moment to
it. He collected baseball cards, played sports, and wrote a sports column for
the school newspaper.
Pat went on to have a career in the front office of the Philadelphia Phillies
baseball team, then with the Philadelphia 76ers basketball team. When the
NBA considered granting an expansion team franchise to Orlando, Pat was
there to lead the fight. Now in his sixties, Pat has enjoyed 40-plus years doing
what he loves, and he has enjoyed every minute of it. Once you are clear
about what brings you the greatest joy, you will have a major insight into your
purpose.

STAYING ON PURPOSE
Once you have determined and written down your life purpose, read it every
day, preferably in the morning. If you are artistic or strongly visual by nature,
you may want to draw or paint a symbol or picture that represents your life
purpose and then hang it somewhere (on the refrigerator, opposite your desk,
near your bed) where you will see it every day. This will keep you focused on
your purpose.
As you move forward in the next few chapters to define your vision and
your goals, make sure they are aligned with and serve to fulfill your purpose.
Another approach to clarifying your purpose is to set aside some time for
quiet reflection—time for a period of meditation. (See Principle 47, “Inquire
Within”). After you become relaxed and enter into a state of deep self-love
and peacefulness, ask yourself, What is my purpose for living? or What is my
unique role in the universe? Allow the answer to simply come to you. Let it be as
expansive as you can imagine. The words that come need not be flowery or
poetic; what is important is how inspired the words make you feel.

Source-Internet