What Are You Really Like

 

 

 

Self-analysis can be an absorbing hobby. It can also be very instructive and helpful if you don’t overdo it. Understanding yourself is a necessary first step to improve yourself.

         You have begun the process. You have had a good look at yourself, though about yourself. perhaps you have made a few notes. What have you found out on this voyage of discovery? You must be very honest. We can all fool others but we must not fool ourselves. This is not the time for self-deception.

    Most of us do have a very accurate idea of what we are like. There is evidence that we do. For example, think of the people we marry. It’s surprising how many of us eventually marry an entirely appropriate spouse.  Men don’t marry their dream woman.  They know what they are really like and they marry the right person, almost instinctively. What we are trying to achieve now is a true understanding  of what we are really like.

    What about those notes we made? Here we put down some thoughts about our particular problems, the things which bother us. We thought about the fact that in some situations we get unpleasant sensations. A doctor would call them symptoms. Of course, not everyone will experience these, but certainly everyone who considers himself or herself to be lacking in confidence will have these sensations in some difficult situations.

 

 Your response to Stress

                        Imagine that you are at a meeting. Perhaps you don’t like meetings, and you are concerned that you might be asked to give a report. This would not be a problem for most people, but you don’t feel confident in this particular situation. So you might feel quite ill, and lacking in confidence. You might experience some or all these symptoms: tremor, diarrhea, sweating, dizziness, palpitations, muscle tension or feeling of panic.

    Why do you get these symptoms? Its very simple. Your body has learned to produce them in response to stress, and for you just being in this situation is stressful. The mechanism by which they are produced is well known by doctors, and is related to the production of a substance called adrenaline which stimulates parts of the nervous system. Tackling these symptoms will be part of your treatment. Needless to say the presence of these powerful and distressing symptoms is very damaging to your self-confidence.

 

 Selective Responses

       A lack of confidence is selective. We can be generally lacking in confidence, of course, but it is almost always worse in some situations, which will be particularly difficult for us. It may be that we have previously had unpleasant experience in such a situation, or that we have found our symptoms worse. But the reasons don’t matter. We are stuck with the results.

   Often the situation will be a small gathering or an enclosed space, somewhere we cannot get out of easily, or where we are in contact  with people we find threatening. Or perhaps it will be where we will have to deal with members of the opposite sex. Where exactly does not matter just now. It is enough  to note that the phenomenon exists. We shall deal with it later.

 

  Your relationships 

          Much of our lack of confidence is to do with our relation with other people. We can find all sorts of relationships difficult. We might have trouble with a particular boss, or a girlfriend or boyfriend; it might be a waiter or a hairdresser or a car park attendant. Some of these relationships are important and some are not. But all difficult relationships can damage our confidence, and in a way the less important they are the more inadequate we may feel if we cannot handle them. We will come back to these problems.

 

  What situations do you most want to master?

                 What would we like, not just to be able to do, but to be able to do well and to enjoy doing? If you have made a note of this, then this is your goal. If there is a situation you don’t like or you avoid, then mastering that is your goal. Make a note of it and keep it at the back of your mind.

 

 

 

 

 

What are you good at? Start with your strengths.

            We are all good at something. This is no time for false modesty, everyone has a talent, no matter how small. Many shy under –confident people have great talent, and that talent may be masked by their lack of confidence. It’s particularly important that they learn to master their lack of confidence and fulfill their potential. And exploiting that talent gives them a starting point. It allows them to start from strength. If you have a particular ability make it down as a plus.