I’m pretty sure we all want to face this world with confidence and show ourselves as a confident, smart, intelligent and a determinate person. We all have the power of changing people and show yourself as a leader among people. Who does not want to be famous? Who does want fame and money? I am sure you also want to be a successful in your life. To be successful in your life, you are required to work hard and possess enough confidence to face people and deal with them.
Confidence comes from within ourselves. We have to build confidence from basic principles. There can be no short cuts. Any small advantages gained from an attempt to cut corners would be short-lived. So let us continue with the hard slog, knowing that there is the only one way forward. What comes now might be a little painful . Some things have to be faced and now is a good time to get them out of the way.
So what a person should do to be a confident person?
As others See you
So far we have been looking at ourselves very critically, reorganizing ourselves. WE have mad e few changes. Now we might have to make a few more. What we have to do now is to look at ourselves again, this time not as we see ourselves, but as others might see us. Why would that be that painful?
We might not like what we see, or we might not particularly enjoy this sort of dissection of our character. What we are going to o now is to look not so much at out character as at our behavior- at the way we act and at the things we do, more precisely the things we do wrongly.
Do you put people Off?
If you are lacking in confidence it might be because of a difficulty communicating with other people. And that might be because you not only project an image unfavorable to yourself, you may actually put people off by your behavior, There is no point in going over the past, but some consideration of past events is inevitable. We will do as little of it as possible, as it can be distressing.
How do you Behave?
We must consider how we behave in certain situations, or perhaps how we behave every time we meet the same situation. Do we do it wrongly? This is different from the exercises we have been doing up to now where we have been doing up to now where we have been considering the detail of the way we dress or sit or walk. Now we are thinking about the way we act, not so much about the way we talk as about the things we say. How does this appear to others?
Always Remember a Past Encounter-
You may well remember some event or encounter which was less than satisfactory from your point of view. You may well know exactly why it went wrong. Knowing that is not the same as doing something about it. But you may well not realize what is unsatisfactory about your relationships. We all have the ability for self- discovery just as we al have the capacity of self-delusion. Now is the time for realism.
Do you put people off? And if so why? Let us consider some possibilities, then you can make up your own mind. Later on we can work out ways of dealing with our difficulties. For the moment think of a particular relationship or encounter which was less than successful. Perhaps you have always wondered just why it didn’t work the way you would have liked.
What Goes Wrong?
Once you can answer such a question. But there are some things that might have gone wrong, and they might still be going wrong and spoiling your relationships now. If your relationships with other people are in some way unsatisfactory you can never have the confidence to know that they will go better in the future. You actually have to do something about it.
As always, the first thing to do is to look at the problem. Try not to look with your own eyes, rather with they eyes of the other person involved in the encounter. What did he, or she see? What didn’t he or she like about the event, or think you did wrong?
The answer is almost certainly straightforward. There may, of course, be an explanation that has nothing to do with you. There are many reasons why things go wrong, but you should choose some event which you think went wrong because of something you may have done, or the way you may have acted. Why did it go wrong?
perhaps you were too enthusiastic, or tried to hard, or smothered the person with enthusiasm or even with affection. You may have offered or done too much. People ‘back off,’ if you intrude on their privacy, or remove their initiative. People don’t want to be in someone’s debt unless they choose to be.
This happened to a young woman I know. A man at her work asked her to do some shopping for him because he was going to have to work late. She liked the man and was flattered to have been asked. I think the man liked her too and had an ulterior motive for asking her to help. But the woman not only did the shopping he asked for, she bought other things which she thought he might like, including some flowers that she thought might brighten up his apartment. Instead of being grateful to the woman, the man was embarrassed as a result shamed unkind. What might have been a very satisfactory relationship just didn’t get start.
It would have been better, if the girl had just done the shopping she had been asked to do.
So you may do too much, or seem over anxious to please. Or there is the other extreme. You may be embarrassed by the attention of others and so seem to be difficult and uninterested. You may well be extremely cautious in your dealing with others, or too much on your guard, to frightened or hazarding yourself, too scared of getting hurt or taken advantage of. We are all a bit like that. We have to be because it is a dangerous world. But it is a matter of degree. Are you too cautious?
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