I am sure, we all have some special situations/events/occasions/conditions in our life. Maybe some are good ones, and some not. No matter what, we must prepare ourselves to face such expected or unexpected situations. There are things we all find difficult. Take, for example, appearing on the stage or on radio or television, where we would get, ‘butterfly in the stomach’ and other physical sensations. I think that is completely normal. It happens!
Some people find certain situations difficult, maybe those that others would not expect to have problem with. For example, I love horseback riding and swimming along with recreational shooting. For me, they are agreeable situations and these are just my hobbies. So I enjoy them a lot and take them easy. But, hey stop for a moment! If I make you sit on a horse, and you don’t know horseback riding then? What would happen with you? So it all depends on the person and situations. As in many other areas there is no such things as normal.
We are often expected to undertake tasks that we will find difficult, or with which we will have problems- symptoms we get when we are stressed. We have already talked about some of them. We shall now consider how you can deal with these difficult situations. Don’t worry, I’ll talk about only genuine conditions, I’m not in a mood of teaching you riding! 
So let’s talk about some:
Preparation and Research- If you are in a public place and you start to feel tense, try to go to sleep. It may sound a little odd, but what I meant to say was that you should just sit comfortably and relax as if you were going to sleep. In short, try to distract yourself, distraction can help to prevent tensions. Just try to relax, sky is not going to fall over you. You’re still safe.
Trying to fall asleep engenders that feeling of relaxation that you have been trying to achieve. It’s a short cut, not as good as real relaxation, but good enough in an emergency. Or, you can think about the person who you think is brave, or your life Hero. For example, When I was in a college, I applied for Army and taken for a very difficult test. That time, I was quite nervous, but then I relaxed myself and started thinking about my uncle who is in Army. He is so brave and has been serving for Army since 1987. So just one thought of my uncle encouraged me a lot.
To tell you the truth, there is no substitute for real preparation. You might ask, “Why should I have to do all this work when others can just stand up and speak off the cuff?” Well, others may not have your particular problems, but then you don’t know just how copious the notes on their cuff may be, or how long they have been rehearsing in front of their mirrors. No, if you re apprehensive, do something about it, and do it early rather than getting late.
Research-
Now is the time to use the methods we have talked about earlier. Find out about your subject, do some research. Ask people what sort of event it is you are going to. You might even visit the location first, so that you get familiar with it when the time comes. Find out who will be there. All this applies as much to a neighborhood party as to the naming of an ocean liner. You just cannot have too much preparation.
What we are going to do now is to see how we can use the techniques we have learned in particular situations, those for which people seem to need most help.
Those ‘Special’ situations-
Sooner or later we all have to stand u and make a speech. It might just be a few words, or you might find yourself in a situation where you are expected to make speeches regularly, and this could be a problem. Speaking in public is just like acting, even if you are acting the part of yourself. The trick is in the preparation. You have to know that if you stand up and your mind goes blank, you can go on ‘auto-pilot’ and perform just well.
That means writing out your speech and possibly learning it off by heart. It means practicing it in front of the mirror, recording it on a cassette player and listening to it over and over again. It means learning to show down your delivery and wait for laughs at your jokes. If you have to jokes, try them out on friends first. Everything should be rehearsed and practiced.
Have good notes to fall back on. You cannot rely on reading a speech, but you need to have something. Notes written on cards are very helpful, but make sure that they are well spaced out with clear underlined headings, so that if you ‘dry up’ you can find your place easily. You might like to mark different places where you can end your speech if it seems to be too long. You also need to be responsive to the audience. If you want to respond to something which another speaker has said, write it down so that you can refer to it. (Just don’t forget to bring a pen with you)
If you are giving a lecture, you might consider teaching aids. Good clear slides or diagrams on the overhead projectors can divert your audience and brighten up your presentation. If the audience is happy you can relax. And keep it short. Think of all those tense, phobic people in your audience.
Ceremonies-
Weddings, graduation ceremonies and the like can be difficult even if you are only there as a member of the audience. It’s the formal atmosphere which is so upsetting. It is deliberately fostered to give the ceremony dignity, which is exactly what is required of an event such as a wedding, or a concert. At these events you tend to be a passive participant, even you are involved. Ceremonies are like that. Being passive and quiet can also be a problem, sometimes even more difficult than talking an active part. But you know what to expect, so you can use all your confidence building techniques to help you. As always, it is the anticipation which is worse than the event, so treat it as simply something you have to go through. For example, If I share my personal experience with you then people usually ask me in parties, or ceremonies; “Hey, why are you not getting married?” I really feel as if I am doing a sin to not get married! But I usually give them one easy answer, “I have not found my soul-mate yet.” To be honest with you, I just cannot go with a selfish woman or gold-digger. Maybe I sound a bit crazy, but I have been searching for a true love whole my life so far.
Driving Tests-
Well, it used to be too easy for Indians, but no longer now. Nowadays, you have to go through with all relevant process. So you had better prepare for it. Frankly speaking, this is a completely different type of event because you have to take an active part. You have to perform well under stress, rather like making a speech or acting in a play. In this case, you will be well rehearsed. Your driving instructor will have have made sure of that. He will also have you given some tips about the test itself. Yet many people fail the test because they are lacking in confidence. They simply don’t do themselves justice, and it is very annoying. Some of course fail because they appear to be overconfident; but that is another matter. When taking the driving test, one has not only to prepare for the driving part, but also for the ordeal of driving while being critically observed. The only way to do this to use your imagination. Remember the time when you have done your relaxing, and you sit in a relaxed way and practice difficult situations in your mind? You can do your driving test as often as you want to in the weeks before the actual event itself. And practice makes perfect.
Examinations-
As we get older our days of having to take examinations should be over. At least that used to be the case. Nowadays education seems to go on forever and we may still be doing examinations when we are retired. Many retired people already pursue Open University degrees. It’s never too late to start. Many people feel that they don’t do themselves justice because they don’t feel confident in examinations. Fortunately, continuous assessment now makes examination less important. But they still exist. One word of advice: Don’t take medication before an examination. You don’t want to dull your performance in any way. Prepare as before. Remember that when you’re in the examination hall you have more time than you think, so slow down. Take five minutes before you start writing, prepare your mind and actively relax. Then, when you are settled, work steadily and do your best.
Interviews-
Interviews can be as stressful as any other event, but it may help if you know what is going on. Some interviewers are quite simple and involve only one or two interviewers. They want to find out about you and will ask appropriate questions. You should sit comfortably, relax, take your time and do your best to give honest answers to the questions asked. Other interviewers are not so simple. If it is a serious interview for a promotion or a new job, the interviewing panel may try to provoke you or stress you. They do this by having both a ‘nice and nasty’ interviewers. One will ask pleasant questions, and the other will be provocative, and try to unsettle you. That is part of the game. But if you know that you can prepare for it.
Appearing in Court-
No one likes appearing in court except lawyers, and they are paid to do it. Courts are designed to be intimidating, and even jury service can be very difficult. All that you can do is to be yourself, but as you know that takes considerable effort, preparation and practice. Courts in real life look just the same as they do on television, but court officials are little different from their television image. The judge can be very helpful and the counsel can also encourage you. But as in the interview situation, court can be a game and the opposition lawyer can be fairly objectionable. His task is to disconcert you so that you will appear either an idiot or else unreliable, or both. Remember that everyone in the court, from the judge down, knows the game and what is going on. So just be yourself. Answer honestly and it will be the lawyer who appears bullying or incompetent. There is nothing more disarming than simple honesty.
Travelling-
Just being away from home can be disconcerting for some people. For others traveling can be a strain, air travel in particular. And why not? A jet aircraft is an intimidating thing and there is the added difficulty that you cannot stop it and get off if you don’t like it. However, flying in a jet is an excellent opportunity for you to practice your relaxation techniques. One thing is certain, if you can actually get yourself into an aircraft you will arrive at the other end. The difficult bit is getting on. So practice at home, during your relaxation sessions. Go the the airport and see what it is like there. There have been courses at some airports simulation air travel for those with flying phobia. Rehearse it in your imagination, but most of all pay your money and go.
Sex-
I don’t think I will dwell on this subject because there are entire books given over to this area. It is worth saying though that the sexual part of our lives is an important and rewarding part, but it is a delicate and sensitive area, so we need confidence if we are to enjoy it and be fulfilled by it. If you have problems with any part of the business of sex, use the techniques described here, but also seek expert help, or else consult the right books for information and help. Now we shall look at the mental attitudes that contribute to our lack of confidence. I will try to post it soon………….
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