Nothing is difficult

 

 

 

Nothing is difficult to those who have the will- Motto of Dutch Poets Society.

Courage is the ladder on which all other virtues mount.

                                                                           Clare Boothe Luce

 

Be yourself-

   Or are you dishonest about yourself in other ways? Do you pretend to be someone you are not? Perhaps you are not aware of doing that, but it might be true just the same. We all act a part, but some people do that more than others and sometimes it shows. Do you pretend to be great outdoor type when you are  really more found of your own fireside? Do you make casual remarks which suggest great achievements in the past? You may not deliberately make up facts about your past, but you may try to give a certain impression just the same. That can work to your advantage for a while, but in the long  run you cannot pretend. Your true personality will come out and then you are in trouble. It is better to just be yourself.

Can people talk to you? 

                                                 Is it just that you are absolutely impossible to talk? It may be that you don’t listen to the answer people give to your questions. Or you may not answer the questions people ask you because you are too intent on thinking up your next question. You may simply have lost the art of conversation because you are lacking in confidence and are too keen to please. You may not concentrate during a conversation. That may be because you are self-conscious, but how is the person you are talking to know that? He or she can only know what he or she sees and hears.

We have already talked about the business of being relaxed and appearing relaxed. We should be on the way to mastering those particular arts by now. Remember that someone who says little and stays calm and quite always taken to be wise. But one cannot stay quite forever. Let us now think about conversation and relationships.

Let People Talk to You- Don’t talk at people

Surly a conversation is a simple natural event? Yes, for many people it is just that. But for the shy or self-conscious it can be a trial, loaded with difficulties. We may even have to learn the art of conversation.That is not difficult and with practice it will become natural and easy. Try talking to yourself, in the car, or at home. Talk to people on the train  or on the bus.

   There are some things you have to remember. One is to concentrate, actually listen to what is being said. Think about your responses, try to say something intelligent and don’t speak just for the sake of speaking. That means that you will have to allow silences to occur in the conversation, which can be difficult. But remember that you have new powers. You now have the ability to relax. You are more at ease so silences become tolerable.

Don’t force the conversation just for the sake of doing so. Let it take its own course. Don’t say silly things just for the sake of appearing clever. Listen to what is said. Learn to identify humor and sarcasm, so that you don’t take everything too seriously. Let people talk to you- Don’t talk at people.

Eye to eye contact can be a problem. You don’t know just how much should look at the person to whom you are talking. Meet his or her eyes too much and you might appear arrogant, too little and you appear disinterested. You have to strike a balance, and that comes with practice. The more confidence you get, the more conversations you have, the less of a problem these things become. Don’t worry about them. Just notice that they are there. You can try to sort them out, but in the long run they will sort themselves out.

        Practice finishing a conversation. Learn a few gambits to use when you feel that a conversation has reached a natural conclusion. You could say, "Well, I have to go now,” or “It’s been nice meeting with you,” or anything you like. But learn how to stop a conversation. Some people find that very difficult, but really it is just a matter of rehearsal and practice, of learning how to manage a conversation. When you can control your body, or a relationship, or a conversation, then you can begin to have confidence in your performance. Confidence builds on confidence.

 

Small Improvements Make a Big Difference  

     So there is some more wok to do. You have to take note of the way you behave in public. But you should also watch the way other people do things. Choose someone who does it well. See how he conducts encounters, look in detail at the things he says and the way he says them. Of course you cannot just copy someone else. That doesn’t work. But it will give you ideas about the way you can change your approach. Try to make small changes first. Perhaps try to talk a little less, or listen more. Make whatever small improvements you can. Remember, we are in the business of making small advances, knowing that overall our performance will improve, and with it our confidence.

Look right, talk right, feel right. Learn all the time. These are things you can practice yourself. But confidence is about relationships with others.